It is a straightforward three-step process for counseling. This is a process to use when someone comes to you for help with a problem or wants to discuss something. It is for the 'normal neurotics just like me and you", not for dealing with those suffering from serious psychiatric conditions.
It is not a way to give advice (a common mistake for any counseling approach). If you adhere to this strategy, you'll do no harm and will likely do a lot of good.
Stage One: Listening
Listening involves understanding the content and the emotions that accompany it.
Cerebral understanding is not enough.
Never make a statement that is a statement that defines the issue or of the other party's feelings. Instead, ask instead. Not, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". Not, "The issue is . . ." Instead, "You think the problem is . . ." Or "The approach you take . . . ". At this point, it might suffice to be able to say "uh-huh" or shake your head.
The process ends when the person begins to talk about the issues behind the issue. You will know you have done well when you get acceptance of your suggestions for the problem and the feelings behind it.
Stage Two Stage Two: Exploratory Listening
If the person who is talking to you is able to hear them, they'll move on to deeper things. At this stage you can start asking exploratory questions. Asking if they have had this experience before. what they've attempted to do in similar situations, whether it worked or not; Whether there are thoughts or emotions happening for them. You can, if you are able to clearly observe something make observations of the things you observe. Things like, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and the list goes on. And so on. better to ask questions than to make statements.
The most important thing at this stage is to remain in touch with their emotions at the depth they are experiencing them.
If you aren't able to do this, inform them Don't try to fake it. You can something like, "Sorry, I can't take this on right now." They'll appreciate this more than acting like it (and they'll know for sure that you're not really pretending).
The stage is over when the problem is looked at differently, and a fresh perspective is obtained.
Stage Three: Doing Different Things
When they start seeing things differently they Youth Ranch Articles will begin to approach things differently or at least plan to.
When someone arrives at you with a problem is to jump to this point immediately. This is not a good idea. What is needed is time to explore what is happening and to look at it in a different way.
At this stage you can suggest what worked for you.
Don't get trapped into playing "Yes, but . . . ".
If they provide reasons as to the reason why your suggestions don't work Do not argue. Instead, ask what they tried, the reason it did not work, and how they could try differently this time.
You might want to make arrangements that they can check in with you so that they monitor how they are going with their new way of working.
This phase is over when they attempt to demonstrate the new behavior with you, or when they've got a plan of the new behaviour they want to try with others.
This process is almost entirely about listening.
The other person always knows more about their own situation than you do.
Don't give any advice on what to do. In the final stage, you might want to share what has worked for you if you have dealt with a similar issue yourself.
With a bit of practice, you'll become quite proficient very quickly in this area. You could end up becoming someone people come to 'for advice'. So long as you stick to this process and don't give suggestions, you'll do lots of good and aid many people.